22 years ago yesterday I said my "I do's" and started my life. I was 19 years old and thought, "I am going to start my life now! Be a wife, become a mother, watch my kids grow up and get marrried and have families. Then I will grow old with the man I love!" I grew up in a loving home with family gatherings and dinners together at the table. I loved the Lord and wanted to go to the nations to preach of His love. I really thought that God would take me to other countries and I would work with orphanes and widows sharing God's love in practical ways. Almost five years into marriage Chris was born and he was the joy of my life! He was active and full of life, always keeping me on my toes. And my husband was always working, his way of showing love was working, making money! And there was this other angry side of him and just finding out I was pregnant with my second baby he went into an anger management program. Life just wasn't what I thought it was going to be, but that was okay because I had my son and another on the way and I loved being a mom and it was something I thought I was good at and my kids were everything to me. Then Mikaylah was born with Spina Bifida and once again our lives changed. But that was okay because I believed God had a plan for our lives. I could be a mom to a special needs child. No problem! I could sing the songs of God's faithfulness and in the good and bad times He was still Lord and I had a purpose, that purpose was to raise my children. Dave and I divorced after 14 years of marriage, but I knew I could make it through because God loves me and He had a plan and I had my kids and they needed me and I needed them.
But when Mikaylah passed away in December and Chris turned 18 in February... now what? What is His plan? Is there a plan? For 22 years I had purpose and meaning. A wife and a mother! My kids were my priority. Yes I was involved in ministry and college, but my true purpose was being a mother. And I know in my mind that I am still a mother to Chris and Mikaylah and Chris does need me, but its not the same. He doesn't need me to be involved in every area of his life and Mikaylah isn't here. So now what about me? What is my purpose? What is my life? I feel very detached like the person I was 6 months ago doesn't exist anymore. She is gone and now I have to find out who Tamra Deon Partin is again.
For the last several years one of my favorite songs has been, Blessed Be Your Name.
"Blessed be your name, In
the land that is plentiful, Where the streams of abundance flow, Blessed be
your name." It's easy to bless God's name when everything is going well and life is full of excitement and good times. That's when you sing this song with smiles and clapping. Thanking God for every good thing.
"Blessed be your name, When
I'm found in the desert place, Though I walk through the wilderness, Blessed
be your name." And you know I didn't find it difficult to sing this when I walked through my divorce and when Mikaylah was born, because I could trust God that He would turn things for His good. I had purpose and the trials of life only gave me more reasons to overcome and I saw that my hard times gave strength to others that they could overcome their trials and tribulations because they saw Mikaylah and I and we were overcomers and so they could also overcome. So even at times I sang this song with tears running down my face I knew that God's name was to be praised.
To hear the song click on the following link:
