Throughout this last week I realized through the many messages, texts, cards, facebook memory posts, that everyone still remembers her and misses her. That she really did make an impact on others and she is not being forgotten even after a year has passed. This was very comforting to me.
I miss her... I miss her smile... I miss her laugh... I miss the way her eyes dance... I miss her yelling... I miss her bossiness... I miss the way she talked to everyone when we were out... I miss not being alone... I miss getting her up in the morning... I miss talking her everywhere I go... I miss picking her up at her Grandma and Papa's... I miss taking her to church... I miss laying on her bed and getting the latest drama of the day... I miss the way she would hold my hand... I miss her helping cook dinner... I miss hearing Justin Bieber... I miss hearing the animal rescue shows and TLC shows... I miss seeing her excited face when friends were coming over... I miss the way she loved to shop... I miss the way she was always thinking of what she could do for others... I miss the person I was before she left this earth... I miss the life I had when she was here... I miss my purpose in life... I miss everything about her the good, the bad, the ugly.
I do not miss her calling me because she is sick... I do not miss hospital stays (I do miss the doctors, nurses, therapist, social workers.)... I do not miss her sadness regarding her immobility...
The list of misses far out ways the not misses. I will never feel good about my child leaving me and I will never feel whole again. However, I can feel good that she feels no pain, that she is happy and running free, and that she is home!
Last night my cousin sent me a text and it was comforting I want to share it:
"God really used her in soo many ways and ya know thru this year I have thought about it in so many ways as to why, and the best answer that came to me one morning, was this... Her going from this world wasn't about us. Wasn't about any of us. It was her! I think that was Gods way of rewarding her! I know that sounds weird, how can that be a reward for her leaving us, but I think God was saying, "Well job my child, your work on earth is done." and he brought her home as a celebration of HIS love for her so she wouldn't have to endure anymore pain, sickness or tragedy that He felt she could not handle. Although leaving us has been hard and sad for us, that's the only reason that makes any sense to my. It's logical, and we as humans feel the pain, but she will NEVER anymore."
There is no explaining Mikaylah's death and why she couldn't just be healed, but these words brought a little joy to my heart. God loved Mikaylah.
I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Tammy
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