WOW... I can't believe it is April. The year is a quarter over. We have had Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve, New Years, Many Birthdays, Valentines Day, St. Patricks Day, and Mikaylah's Birthday all without her. It's a year of firsts, the first time without Mikaylah! We had some good times and some bad times but time waits for no one.
This last weekend my great nephew Timmy fell out of a shopping cart at the grocery store. He was sitting in the cart and went to reach for something and fell out on his head. My nephew Matt called me and gave me the news that they had taken Timmy to the hospital and he had a cracked skull, was vomiting, and his nose was bleeding. They may have to transfer him to a bigger hospital that accommodates head injuries. My heart began to pound, I began to freeze, and started shaking. I closed the curtains and layed on the couch. I begin to pray to God. Please God let little Timmy be okay. Heal his head and take away all the repercussions.
Earlier in the year I read a book called, Heaven is for Real. In this book there is a scene where a parent is praying for his son to recover from a sickness and God grants his request. While I was praying for Timmy this scene came to mind and I prayed all the more, just as so many were. God granted our request and Timmy came home on Sunday and is doing well.
This brought many feelings for me. God saved Mikaylah so many times. I don't even know how many times Mikaylah had been sick in her 14 years, but every time I and many others stormed the gates of heaven praying for her health to return. And guess what? God did grant it each and every time. That is until we went to the hospital on Dec. 18th. I prayed God's will be done in December. I didn't just pray for healing I prayed to God to do what was best for Mikaylah and that His will would prevail. So I am at this place of; was it God's will for her to close her eyes in our world and wake up whole in the next world? Or did I not pray the right prayer?
Do any of us know what to pray? How many times do you pray for something without asking God because you may not like his answer? We think we have the right answer so we pray and sometimes when things don't turn out the way we want we blame God. We say, "Why did God do this to me?" Why didn't he answer my prayers? And believe me I have asked God why I have to endure this pain, but the other night I was reminded that when I die I will have the answers I so desperately need right now. When I stand before God, I will know. Right now I have to believe that God has a plan;
Tammy I think sometimes we do ask God for things and He gives it to us because He wants to give us the desires of our heart. But if we ask for His will to be done it might be so different than what we ask for. I know I have prayed for healing for my dad so many times & God allowed it & I think I may have brought more pain & suffering on him by me having my will instead of Gods will. I think God gave us more years with Mikaylah because that is what we prayed for & they were fun years. If we had prayed His will He may have taken her as an infant & we would not have had so many precious memories. I remember a song my uncle used to sing about our children it had these words in it..."they are just borrowed they are not mine at all, Jesus only let me use them to brighten my life" and we had some really great times with Mikaylah. I think of her everyday & I am sure I always will but I am so thankful for all the warm memories & fun times I had with her. Even though sometimes it seems unbearable I think what if she had lived and had so much pain & suffering in the coming years. We have to believe God knows best & we will see her again one day & she will be so happy that she has been with God & all the family that was there waiting for her & she will say I have been waiting for you mom I have so much to tell you. I pray for you everyday & you are never far from my thoughts, I am always here for you (and Christopher) I love you so much, mom
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