Road Trip

From Pismo Beach we moved on to Hemet to drop Chris off at his girlfriends house.  I got a room at the Best Western and Chris took the car so he and his girlfriend could go out.  It felt really lonely.  I couldn't help but think about the last time we went to Hemet.  September 2010, Janice went with Chris, Mikaylah, and Me.  We were going to meet Monique, Chris's girlfriend and family.  Mikaylah was so excited to meet her and after we met her we stayed in a hotel and we had a slumber party!  Food, candy, jumping on beds, giggling and telling secrets.  An all around fun adventure.  We also went to visit our cousins in Brea.  Mikaylah loved spending time with family.  She loved joking and being fiesty, she had a spark and spunk that would bring life.

Wednesday morning I went with Chris and Monique to Marie Calendars and we had a good time visiting.  I know its wrong, but I think of Mikaylah all the time.  When I was sitting there enjoying breakfast I was thinking about how Mikaylah would have loved sitting there talking to Monique and teasing Chris.  It's not that I don't enjoy myself it's just that I miss her being there and I know she would have really enjoyed it.  After breakfast I left for Yuma.  I was really excited about coming to Yuma, but at the same time I was sad because Mikaylah always wanted to come visit Aunt Pam and Uncle Sonny in Yuma, but I never made the time.  She wanted to visit Joey and Allison and the kids.  She talked about it and it just never worked out.  Why didn't I make the time?  So on my way here I cried, prayed, and listened to Mikaylah's music.  I could feel her in every song and I know she picked each and every song on her ipod because it meant something to her.  Towards the end of the trip "I Will Rise" came on.  http://youtu.be/IifTXVqpV-E "I will rise when He calls my name.  No more sorrow, no more pain."   She is at peace.  And she isn't upset that I didn't bring her to Yuma.  She's in a place where she is never let down or in pain.  At times I just feel alone and so sad because I am in pain and feel let down.

                                          
                                                       

Yuma is great!  I love the weather so far and the company is the best.  I am being treated like a queen and eating enough food for a banquet!

Easter 2012

Well we left home for 10 days!  Our first stop is Pismo Beach with the family for Easter.  Chris and I left town Thursday.  We were ready to get to the coast, out of Turlock!  Weather is beautiful.  Sunny, blue skies!  There’s just one thing missing; our special girl!  Have to say Chris and I packed the car and I don’t know if we would have had room for everything, but I would so much have rather tried.  We miss you Mikaylah.  As we were coming into Pismo, Chris said, “There’s the ocean and mom there is NO crying this weekend.  None!”  I said, “Why are you saying that?”  He said, “Because when you see the ocean you start crying.”  He was right I had tears welling up in my eyes, but I did not let them fall.  It does make me sad because I know she loved the ocean so much.  Today we went down to the ocean with Tom and Family.  We were celebrating Jason, Timothy, and Ethan’s birthday’s.  They had the biggest smiles and had a good time! 

But I can’t lie there were several times I felt the tears start to come.  As I was walking and the water was hitting my feet, I couldn’t help but remember all the times Mikaylah so loved to come and Uncle Tom would take her in the sand wheelchair down to the ocean and get her all wet.  She would laugh and giggle, loving it so much.  I am so glad we visited Pismo in September 2011.  Uncle Tom ran her through the water and her Aunt Carol played in the sand with her.  She had the best time.  Oh my gosh I miss you Mikaylah and I know everyone does. 

We will get up tomorrow and Easter will be Easter even though you won’t be with us.  We will color eggs, have a big meal, hunt Easter eggs, and have lots of fun, but it will all happen without you.  It will feel like something is missing and we will all have a little sadness, but we will laugh, visit, and make new memories.  This is the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus!  He has risen and no matter how we feel or what circumstances we go through, Jesus is still alive and He deserves to be praised.  So tomorrow as I get up and get ready for the day, I will think of you my sweet girl, but I will also think that you are spending Easter with the one who rose from the dead the one who came and died for our sins.  You are having a perfect Easter and not missing us at all. 

And time just keeps moving on...

WOW... I can't believe it is April.  The year is a quarter over.  We have had Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve, New Years, Many Birthdays, Valentines Day, St. Patricks Day, and Mikaylah's Birthday all without her.  It's a year of firsts, the first time without Mikaylah!  We had some good times and some bad times but time waits for no one. 

This last weekend my great nephew Timmy fell out of a shopping cart at the grocery store.  He was sitting in the cart and went to reach for something and fell out on his head.  My nephew Matt called me and gave me the news that they had taken Timmy to the hospital and he had a cracked skull, was vomiting, and his nose was bleeding.  They may have to transfer him to a bigger hospital that accommodates head injuries.  My heart began to pound, I began to freeze, and started shaking.  I closed the curtains and layed on the couch.  I begin to pray to God.  Please God let little Timmy be okay.  Heal his head and take away all the repercussions. 

Earlier in the year I read a book called, Heaven is for Real.  In this book there is a scene where a parent is praying for his son to recover from a sickness and God grants his request.  While I was praying for Timmy this scene came to mind and I prayed all the more, just as so many were.  God granted our request and Timmy came home on Sunday and is doing well.

This brought many feelings for me.  God saved Mikaylah so many times.  I don't even know how many times Mikaylah had been sick in her 14 years, but every time I and many others stormed the gates of heaven praying for her health to return.  And guess what?  God did grant it each and every time.  That is until we went to the hospital on Dec. 18th.  I prayed God's will be done in December.  I didn't just pray for healing I prayed to God to do what was best for Mikaylah and that His will would prevail.  So I am at this place of; was it God's will for her to close her eyes in our world and wake up whole in the next world?  Or did I not pray the right prayer? 

Do any of us know what to pray?  How many times do you pray for something without asking God because you may not like his answer?  We think we have the right answer so we pray and sometimes when things don't turn out the way we want we blame God.  We say, "Why did God do this to me?"  Why didn't he answer my prayers?  And believe me I have asked God why I have to endure this pain, but the other night I was reminded that when I die I will have the answers I so desperately need right now.  When I stand before God, I will know.  Right now I have to believe that God has a plan;