Christmas is over!

It's officially over!  I don't know if we will have Christmas in 2012.  I think we will leave town for a few weeks.  I know in my head that Christmas is about Christ and His birth, but my heart says no its about family, friends, and time together making memories.  My next Christmas will be spent missing Mikaylah.  No matter how much I laugh and have fun I am always missing her.  Christmas in 2011 before that terrible 72 hours was so good.  We had a great time getting our tree.  Mikaylah was being a real pickle before we went and I threatened to take her home, but Chris stepped in and said, "Mom, no she has to go."  So we went, first we went to Lowe's didn't have much then headed to a new one over where the car lot used to be.  It was perfect because it was a parking lot and it wasn't muddy and wet for the wheelchair.  Chris and Mikaylah discovered that they liked the same kind of full trees and tall!  The tree was beautiful this year.  Chris put up blue lights, Mikaylah's favorite color right now and one day while she was at school I put up blue Christmas lights in her room.  She loved them!  You know I never turned those lights out and they just went out this last week!  No more blue lights!  The day she got sick, December 18th, we were suppose to go to the Nutcracker.  Family tradition every year.  Mikaylah had been helping me get ready for the big dinner by polishing the silver to earn money for shopping.  On December 15th after her doctor appointment in San Francisco we went to the mall and shopped.  She took back a few things and was able to spend the money buying some gifts.  The perfect Christmas season until December 18th and then 72 hours later she was having a Christmas celebration in Heaven.  It doesn't help me today to know she was happy in heaven celebrating because I am here and I am missing her desperately.  Before this weekend we had Christmas lights up and Chris was adamant about not taking them down, but I had to do it.  I took down the lights and now Christmas will never be the same.  If we do have Christmas in December, which I am sure we will, we will have to make it completely different.  Maybe we will do green or yellow lights or maybe we will take a cruise or spend it at the beach.  I do want to be with family, its just really hard.  There is nothing easy about any of this. 

So Cute!

Look at those faces!  Christmas Torture!