Monday, March 19, 2012

Survived!

It's Monday... I survived... I don't know how.  It was the strength I got from family and friends and all those candles and birthday wishes to my forever fourteen girlie!  I told you all when I started this blog it was honest and I am having challenging days lately.  Sometimes I can't stop shaking and I feel like fainting.  Sometimes I have to lay down and sleep so my mind will stop moving.  Sometimes I can't fall asleep till 4 in the morning.  Sometimes my heart beats so fast I feel like it is pounding out of my chest.  Sometimes little things seem huge.  And all the time my mind will not stop thinking of her.  I think I am in denial, everyday I still wake up and I can't believe this has happened then I look at a picture and it makes me cry because she is not here.  I hear a song and it reminds me of her.  She was so loved by everyone.  I just keep saying I can't believe it and I wish she could have been here to see how much she was really loved.  I wonder if she knew she had so many people who were inspired by her, I wonder if she knew that there were so many who would celebrate her birthday with her, I wonder if she knew that everyone loved her smile and her laugh.  I wonder if she knew she had the most beautiful eyes ever.  I wonder if she knew that I loved her more than words can say... I will never know what she knew because she is no longer here she can't tell me. 


Tonight I have a special treat for you!  My mom wrote a poem, from Mikaylah to us and she made a video reading the poem.  I am so proud of my mom.  She is a special Grandma and spent many hours caring for Mikaylah.  She was the second mom!  Thank you mom for sharing with all of us!  Love you!


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