Throughout this last week I realized through the many messages, texts, cards, facebook memory posts, that everyone still remembers her and misses her. That she really did make an impact on others and she is not being forgotten even after a year has passed. This was very comforting to me.
I miss her... I miss her smile... I miss her laugh... I miss the way her eyes dance... I miss her yelling... I miss her bossiness... I miss the way she talked to everyone when we were out... I miss not being alone... I miss getting her up in the morning... I miss talking her everywhere I go... I miss picking her up at her Grandma and Papa's... I miss taking her to church... I miss laying on her bed and getting the latest drama of the day... I miss the way she would hold my hand... I miss her helping cook dinner... I miss hearing Justin Bieber... I miss hearing the animal rescue shows and TLC shows... I miss seeing her excited face when friends were coming over... I miss the way she loved to shop... I miss the way she was always thinking of what she could do for others... I miss the person I was before she left this earth... I miss the life I had when she was here... I miss my purpose in life... I miss everything about her the good, the bad, the ugly.
I do not miss her calling me because she is sick... I do not miss hospital stays (I do miss the doctors, nurses, therapist, social workers.)... I do not miss her sadness regarding her immobility...
The list of misses far out ways the not misses. I will never feel good about my child leaving me and I will never feel whole again. However, I can feel good that she feels no pain, that she is happy and running free, and that she is home!
Last night my cousin sent me a text and it was comforting I want to share it:
"God really used her in soo many ways and ya know thru this year I have thought about it in so many ways as to why, and the best answer that came to me one morning, was this... Her going from this world wasn't about us. Wasn't about any of us. It was her! I think that was Gods way of rewarding her! I know that sounds weird, how can that be a reward for her leaving us, but I think God was saying, "Well job my child, your work on earth is done." and he brought her home as a celebration of HIS love for her so she wouldn't have to endure anymore pain, sickness or tragedy that He felt she could not handle. Although leaving us has been hard and sad for us, that's the only reason that makes any sense to my. It's logical, and we as humans feel the pain, but she will NEVER anymore."
There is no explaining Mikaylah's death and why she couldn't just be healed, but these words brought a little joy to my heart. God loved Mikaylah.
I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Tammy
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Tammy no matter how many minutes, weeks, months or years pass Mikaylah will never be forgotten, she will forever be a part of our memories and lives because of the impact she made on all of us when she was here with us! Her life was like the piece to a puzzle when a piece is missing the puzzle is not complete but you don't forget what the whole puzzle looks like. You look at the picture on the box, you see that the box says there are so many pieces to complete this puzzle that's what life is like...there are families and it takes every person for the family to be complete. One day when we are all together again our family will be complete again but until then there is a person missing...Mikaylah! As time passes we may not remember everything, every little detail but, we will NEVER forget her. She will ALWAYS be with me. I keep a journal just for her, I write things in it that I want to remember or things I want to share with her just for me so I can go back anytime I want to and remember our shopping trips or movies or plays or bad hair days the little things in life. I have many pictures so I can look at her, so many reminders everywhere. Things she made me, things she said, her laughter oh Tammy never feel she will be forgotten. Those people that she was a part of their life when she was here, she will live on in their lives forever. Yes your life is different, it always will be, you will move on but not without the memories you will take her with you everywhere you go because she is in your heart forever. You will see her in the littlest things in life...the ocean, the rain the stars, clothes, shoes, jewelry, movies, songs, friends & family because she is everywhere! Don't you ever forget that! It might be very helpful if you had a book you could write all of your memories of her just for you...when you feel like it , you can go there & read it & catch a glimpse of her because a piece of her will ALWAYS be with you. I love you more than life itself & I am always here for you!!!
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