Dear Mikaylah Partin...

Dear Mikaylah,

What would I want to tell you if I could actually talk to you today?  I've been sitting here thinking... I wonder if you see me... I wonder if you think of me... What if I could send you a letter, a message?  Would it bring you happiness?  Sadness? Indifference? 

Girlie, we miss you!  Everyday seems like it is missing something without you here.  Every morning for just a few moments I think of you and how I wish I was coming in your room to get you ready for the day.  I wish I could see what you would be at 17... OMG 17... I wonder if that really bad attitude would be less, but your feisty fiery spirit would still be there.  I wonder if you would laugh till you couldn't breath and we would laugh just because you were...

Are you happy where your at?  Are you in heaven?  Are you just spirit?  Are you alone or with others?  So many questions.  Are you glad you left your pain and family and friends behind or would it had been worth it to keep the pain and stay with us?  I have to be honest girlie... I miss YOU, but I do not miss the hospitals and the pain you endured!

Mikaylah you would be so proud of Chris.  He has moved down south to be with Monique.  I know how much you liked Monique and wanted to have a sister.  They are not married, but I bet someday they will be.  Even though you are not here she will techniquely be your sister.  Your brother is so disciplined, he says that because you were always such a go getter that gives him strength to achieve anything he wants.

Guess what?  Your grandma and papa are traveling... that would drive you nuts because you would have to come home to an empty house after school.  They are having so much fun being free to just enjoy life and see things and not have to worry about the cares of this world. 

You know what Mikaylah?  I'm starting to laugh and smile and feel happy again on the inside.  At times I feel guilty for feeling happy and for moving on with life, but then I realize that that's what you would have wanted for me.  You would have wanted me to find love and to laugh like there is no tomorrow and live life to the fullest.  I'm really trying baby girl.  There are times when I feel extremely alone, but they are fewer than even a few months ago.

Your Uncle Tom needs your positive thoughts and strength baby... Aunt Carol and the boys always need you and miss you so much!  Alan played baseball and he did so good.  You would have loved being at the baseball games and you would have yelled so loud Alan would have been embarrassed.  We all miss that personality! 

Mikaylah you would be so happy they put in a middle divider in by the Jr. High... now everyone has to go to the light to cross!  No cheaters!

Baby girl there will never be a day I don't want to see your beautiful face and feel your hand holding mine.  To hear your voice and your laughter... to see your independence and the dreams you would have for yourself by now.  Just know that we are missing you ALWAYS.

Love,
Mom

PS.  If you have read this letter and want to talk to Mikaylah to let her know how your doing or if you have questions or want to vent... Please leave a letter in the comments addressed to her...

Love to all!