Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Confusion surrounds me. I feel so lost, but yet I can't be. When I wake up its the same thing everyday. Like wow I don't feel any different. I remember when my kids were little I would wake up singing to them. "Good Morning, Good Morning how are you today? May God richly bless throughout the day. I love you I love you (Christopher/ Mikaylah Grace)" Now I wake up asking myself, "Why get up?" Then I remember I have to go to school, go to work, walk through life. I don't have a choice. Some days I feel like laying in bed all day, never talking to another person, but I don't. I continue with life. I have too. And I hope and pray that one day I will wake up and the sun will shine again and the deep sadness of loosing Mikaylah will not be waiting for me.
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I know when sadness overtakes us we sometimes feel there is no reason to get out of bed...but I can think of one really good reason & that is you still have another child...he may be growing into a fine young man but he still needs his mom to know he is still here. I was thinking maybe it would help if you set your alarm for later than 5 am change some things in your life. Make a new time to get up say 6 instead...you will always wake up to missing her everyday but I know the sun will shine again and you will find many reasons to get out of bed. We need to find all the things to celebrate about her life & she will always be a part of us & we wouldn't want it any other way but we must go on for many reasons & one of the biggest reasons is Mikaylah...she would want us to go on & have family things & live life to the fullest because that's what she enjoyed doing. One of the things I remembered about one of the books I read on grieving is you know you are starting to heal when you wake up in the morning & the person you've lost is not the first thing you think about. You are not there yet it can take months or even longer & that is perfectly ok...I love you & pray for you everyday & we are all grieving Mikaylah's loss but I also know we all have much to live for and that's what we have to keep telling ourselves everyday! I love you now & forever, mom
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