Dear Mikaylah,
Today I really missed you. I missed hearing your voice yelling at me to get you out of bed and then begging me to not make you do routine since it was Saturday. I missed you asking me to make pancakes and then you making them with me and us eating together. I missed helping you get dressed and ready for the day. I missed putting you in the car and going to Orchard with me. You would have loved picking out flowers for our porches and yard. I picked pink, purple, white, and blue. Most of your favorites. I missed hearing you laugh through the store and you talking to every person that goes by. I missed being stared at by little kids and everyone knowing you. No one knows me. I missed you asking me to push you and me saying no and running from you! I missed you being outside talking to the neighbors while I did yard work. They missed you too! I try not to be mad at you or God, but I can't help it sometimes. Sometimes I am so overtaken by sorrow I just get mad. I miss you so much I would like to just lay in bed and give in to despair, but then I remember there is life to live even though I am sad. I am different. I have no light in my heart. Even when I really try and I get things done I still have no life in me. I went to El Rosel's with friends tonight and had a great time, but as I was wondering what to get I could hear your voice ordering chicken nuggets after begging me to take you to a Mexican food restaurant. As I pulled up to the theater I remembered so many Saturday nights that we would go see movies and sit in the front row. As I got home tonight your brother met me for a confession time, he went to a casino today and guess what he won, 300.00. WOW beginners luck. He wants to go to the mall tomorrow. If you were here I know you would be begging him to give you some of that money so you could go shopping too! And a few minutes ago I was reading Grandma and Papa's blog they are having so much fun. They went to Julie's tonight! We all know how you loved it there. I wrote a comment and at the end I put WE miss you and for a moment I thought I was speaking for the three of us and then I remembered that there are only two of us. I miss you every second of every day and my life will never be completely whole again. Sweetie I hope everyday you are enjoying your new home and that you are totally whole. That is the only thing that brings peace. I love you girlie, Mom
In these moments Tammy, we are left feeling lost and devastated. We have so many questions, and the biggest one is Why? Even Christ on the cross asked My God My God why have you forsaken me? Thats about the biggest Why that could have ever been asked. But because of that why you have to trust Christ has all the answers to our "whys." Tammy, for now we have to stand in faith, but the day you stand in front of the thrown of Christ all the things that puzzle us here will fall into place. And I know to us it seems afar off, but when that day comes there will be no more why God? I love you!
ReplyDeleteU.Dave
Thank you. It is a good reminder that someday we will stand before God's throne and we will no longer need to ask why. Our time on earth is so short and our time with God is for eternity. We will know all when we get there. Very comforting thought. Love you!
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